How to Deal
by Mystical.Reader
Summary: Emily learns some devastating news. A childhood friend of hers has died. Will she be able to deal with it? Will she find the strength to keep going on or will she want to give up? This is slightly AU and it will be rated T for language among other things.
1. Getting Bad News

A/N: A big thank you goes to my Beat MissCrys. She does a lot even though she is going through a lot and even though she has her own stories to update she still makes time to read over mine. So thank you very much Crystal for everything that you do.

Summary: This story will contain references to suicide. No, it will not be any of the team but it's someone from Emily's past.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds even though I have asked many times if I could at least borrow the cast for a day or two.

Emily Prentiss was at work when she got the phone call. She could not believe what she was hearing. She sat as still as could be while she listened to the person on the other end of the phone. As soon as the person was done speaking Emily hung up without even saying another word. The color had all gone out of her face.

Emily stood up on shaky legs and walked away from her desk up to Aaron Hotchner's office. She was not even sure how she got there without falling over or breaking down but she did. She held herself together the whole time. She knocked on his door and then walked in.

"I need to go." Emily said.

Hotch just looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Is everything alright?"

Emily just shook her head and repeated "I need to go."

With that Emily turned around and walked out of his office and down the steps. She did not even go back to her desk for her jacket, ready bag or her purse. She just needed to get out of the BAU and the building before she lost it. She wasn't aware of Morgan and Reid standing up when they saw her walk by them without a word. She wasn't aware when Hotch came out of his office and down the steps. She just kept on walking. Once she was on the elevator she hit the button for the lobby floor. She didn't even want her car. She just needed to walk.

Once Emily got off of the elevator and then out of the building she let the tears start to follow. She didn't pay any attention to anyone who was walking by her. She wasn't even aware of the fact that it was raining. She just walked and walked. Not caring that she was freezing because of the rain. Not caring that if she was to look at a clock some where she would see that four hours as has passed since she left work. She did not care about anything right now because she felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest.

Hotch stood up and walked out of his office after Prentiss came in and told him that she needed to go. He knew that something was up because she was as pale as a ghost. But instead of answering his question she had just said that she had to go again. He watched in concern as she walked out of the bullpen and didn't even stop to get her coat or anything.

As soon as Emily was in the elevator Hotch walked over to her desk which was in between Reid's and Morgan's. He was hoping that maybe just maybe they knew what was wrong with her. He hoped that they did because something was seriously wrong and if he didn't know what it was then he couldn't help her.

"Morgan, Reid do either of you know what is wrong with Prentiss?" Hotch asked.

Morgan and Reid but shook their heads also watching where they just saw Prentiss disappear to.

"She had a phone call and during the phone call she went pale but didn't say one word to the person on the end of the phone after she answered it. She just sat there listening and then after hanging up she went up to your office and then left." Reid stated.

Hotch nodded and frowned. He walked back up to his office and did some work. A couple hours later he looked out of his window and noticed that she still was not back. He put his pen down and picked up his phone and tried calling her cell phone. It just rang and rang with no answer. He started to wonder if she even had it with her. He got up from his desk and walked out of his office and back down towards her desk.

"Have either of you heard from Prentiss?" Hotch asked.

Morgan shook his head and said "I've tried calling her cell phone but no answer. I'm really starting to getting worried Hotch. She didn't look well at all."

Hotch nodded his head. "I know I have tried calling her too."

Hotch turned around and started to head towards his office but stopped when Elizabeth Prentiss came running into the bullpen of the BAU.

"Aaron, please tell me you know where Emily is. I need to find her and find her now." Elizabeth said.

Hotch just looked at her and the said "She left here four hours ago and was very pale. She was not herself at all."

Elizabeth paled a little at this and Hotch took a step forward and said "What's going on Ambassador Prentiss?"

Elizabeth shook her head and said "A friend of Emily's committed suicide. I just found out about thirty minutes ago and I dropped everything to rush here. Aaron I need to find her. She was really close to this guy and he helped her through some very hard times."

Hotch gasped and then groaned and looked around and yelled "Dave I need you out here."

Hotch could tell that it was taking everything Ambassador Prentiss had not to break down as Morgan, Reid, and Dave who came running out of his office and down the steps came over to them.

"Morgan you call Garcia and Reid you call JJ. We need to start searching for Emily. She got some bad news and we need to find her. It's been over four hours since she has left here. She didn't take her coat, keys or anything with her so she is walking."

Ambassador Prentiss moaned and said "She is out walking in this weather? She's already been fighting a cold or something. With no coat and out in this she is sure to get sick."

Hotch didn't think about that earlier. He knew that Emily had been sick but he totally forgot about it when she came up to his office earlier. Thankfully right at that moment JJ and Garcia came in and straight over to the group.

"What's going on Hotch?" JJ asked.

Hotch looked at Ambassador Prentiss who nodded at him so he said "Prentiss is missing. She got some bad news and she left. She doesn't have her coat or anything and it's raining outside. We need to start searching and find her."

Garcia looked at Ambassador Prentiss who was pale and said "May I ask what kind of bad news Emily got? This way if we find her we know some of what is going on."

Ambassador Prentiss took in a deep breath and said "A good friend of hers committed suicide. I didn't find out until about thirty to forty-five minutes and I dropped everything to get here when Emily didn't answer her phone. She was really close to Matthew."

Garcia and JJ both gasped and nodded and JJ said taking control "Everyone grab a jacket and let's get looking. Ambassador you stay here in case she comes back. I will write down all of our cell phone numbers so if she shows up here you can call us. Also write your number down for us so that if we find her we can let you know."

JJ started writing everyone's cell number down for the Ambassador and Ambassador Prentiss wrote her number down. Once they exchanged numbers the team headed out.

Hotch couldn't help but think that the one woman he knew to be strong was some how broken right now. He vowed to himself that he would do whatever it was that he could to help heal her.


	2. Finding Emily

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews, adds to the favorites and story alerts. I feel like I need to explain some things. The reaction that you see Emily having is one I am drawing on from seeing a dear friend of mine go through when she found out her fiancé killed himself. She is one of the strongest people I know and I love her dearly. So if it seems that I know how to write the reaction that Emily is having it's because of watching my friend go through it. I want this chapter to show the initial reaction of Matt's death and Hotch finding her. The next chapter will be longer and will have the team in it supporting her.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

* * *

Finding Emily

Hotch had been looking for Emily for the last two hours and still no sign of her. She has been gone for six hours by now and she could be anywhere. He took out his cell and called her cell phone again. Once again it went to voicemail and he hung up. Finally he decided that he would try a park that was up ahead. He just hoped that he would find her soon. He was getting more worried with every second that passed.

When he got to the park he entered into it. He didn't know why he didn't think to check here first. He knew that Emily liked to come to this park sometimes. He felt as if he was holding his breath as he walked through the park. So far he hasn't seen her and he hoped that she was here. Finally after walking through the park for about fifteen minutes he spotted her. He let out a sigh of relief and headed towards her.

When Hotch got close to her he said softly "Prentiss."

Hotch got concerned when she didn't even look up at him. He walked and stood in front of her and saw that she was shaking. He quickly took off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders. He then sat squatted down in front of her and put his hands on her knees and finally she looked at him. He got even more concerned when her eyes widened in shock like she didn't even know that anybody was there with her.

When Hotch saw her eyes his heart stilled. In her eyes he could see pain, disbelief, anger, and most of all desperation and sadness. He didn't know what to do so he did the one thing that he could think of. He held out his arms to her. At first he thought that she was going to ignore him but then she flew into his arms.

Emily just kept staring at Hotch when he first held his arms out to her but soon she flew into them. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried. As she was crying denial ran through her head and mind. Matt couldn't be dead. He wouldn't take his own life. He wouldn't do this to her. Even though they didn't see each other often they did talk on the phone. He wouldn't make her go through all this pain.

Emily took her arms from around Hotch's neck and started slapping on his chest and yelling. "NO HE WOULDN'T DO THIS TO ME! HE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME ON THIS EARTH ALONE! OH GOD NO HE CAN'T BE GONE! HE WOULDN'T TAKE HIS OWN LIFE! NO! NO! NO! IT'S A LIE. I KNOW IT'S A LIE. MATT WOULDN'T KILL HIMSELF AND MAKE ME GO THROUGH ALL THIS PAIN. IT'S A LIE. OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME IT'S A LIE!"

Emily couldn't believe that she was hitting Hotch but she just couldn't seem to stop. Hotch didn't do anything to stop her. He let her do it until she tired out and then he pulled her into his chest and ran his hands up and down her back just holding her close and letting her know that she wasn't alone.

Finally to break the silence Hotch said "Emily it will be alright. I can't tell you that the pain will go away because I've never been in this situation. But what I can tell you is this Emily. You are not alone. You have Morgan, Reid, JJ, Garcia, Dave and you have me Emily. We will help you through this. Your mother is back at the office. When she found out she dropped everything and came straight to the BAU."

Emily looked up at him in shock and then she just started crying again. As she cried Hotch rubbed her back some more while he pulled out his cell and sent a text to the team letting them know that he found Emily and where they were at. Within minutes the team were pulling into the parking lot of the park and then they were getting out of the cars and running towards Emily who was still sobbing into Hotch's shoulder.


	3. Denial

A/N: I want to thank those who have taken the time to review this story. Thank you to my amazing Beta MissCrys. If you haven't checked her out you should.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

Denial

JJ ran straight to Emily and put her hand on her back and started rubbing around in circles. She couldn't believe how broken her friend looked. JJ looked up into Hotch's eyes and she was surprised to see the amount of emotions in his eyes. She knew then that Hotch loved Emily even if he didn't know it himself.

Reid, Dave, Morgan, and Garcia all stood around forming a circle around Emily, JJ, and Hotch. They weren't sure what to do. Their hearts ached at the sight of their friend who is usually strong was so broken and lost. They watched on in shock as they saw Emily push JJ and Hotch away from her.

"NO! HE ISN'T DEAD! HE CAN'T BE DEAD!!!" Emily shouted as she fell to her knees on the wet soggy ground.

Hotch, JJ, Reid, Morgan, Garcia and Dave just stood frozen in their spots. They couldn't believe that this woman was their friend and a member of their family. Emily looked up and saw them all looking at her and took one of her shoes off and flung it at Morgan's head as she screamed and cried. Emily's shoe hit Morgan right in the head and everyone gasped.

"NO!!! MATHEW IS NOT DEAD!!! HE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME IN THIS WORLD ALONE. HE WOULDN'T MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS. YOU'RE ALL LYING!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!! GOD MATTY COME BACK TO ME!!! YOU CAN'T BE GONE!!! I WON'T LET YOU BE GONE!!!" Emily screamed through her tears.

Emily kept on screaming and crying. She couldn't and she wouldn't believe that Matt was gone. She couldn't help but think that this is what she deserves to go through. She has been through so much in her life that this is just one more thing to hurt her. She felt anger and denial rise in her. She couldn't and wouldn't get through this. She knew just knew in her heart that Matthew wouldn't kill himself. It all had to be a horrible nightmare or a joke of some kind.

Hotch and Reid couldn't take seeing Emily on the ground any longer and dropped down onto their knees beside her. Hotch pulled her into his side while Reid wrapped an arm around her shoulder and leaned into her.

"Emily it'll be alright. You have all of us here to help you through this. You're not alone and you never will be." Reid said.

Emily looked at him and glared as she yelled "HE'S NOT DEAD! IT'S ALL A MISTAKE OR A JOKE!!! WILL YOU QUIT ACTING LIKE HE DID DIE? I KNOW HE ISN'T DEAD. MATTHEW WOULD NEVER TAKE HIS OWN LIFE!!! NOT AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER!!! NOT AFTER HE HELPED ME THROUGH ONE OF THE HARDEST TIMES IN MY LIFE!!! YOU'RE LYING!!! YOU ALL ARE LYING TO ME!!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU???"

Emily pushed Hotch's and Reid's arms off of her and slowly got to her feet. Once she was on her feet she took her other shoe off and threw it at Hotch and then she took off running. She wasn't paying attention to where her feet were hitting and her right foot stepped in a hole and twisted badly causing her to fall to the ground while she let out a scream of pain.

The team took off running to her. Morgan got to her first and dropped down beside her and that is when Emily finally let go. She started shrieking, crying, and swearing. She couldn't hold any of it back anymore. She needed to let go. She knew that if she just kept it all bottled in that she would explode one day.

"NO!!! NO!!! OH GOD HE CAN'T BE GONE!!! WHY??? WHY??? PLEASE DON'T BE TRUE!!! I'M SO SORRY MATT!!! GOD I'M SO SORRY!!! NO!!! DAMN IT NO!!! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!!! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME??? YOU CAN'T BE GONE!!! I WON'T LET YOU BE GONE!!!" Emily screamed as she collapsed into Morgan's chest crying.

Emily's chest started to hurt and she was having trouble breathing so Reid bent down and said "Come on Em you need to calm down and breathe slowly. You can do it."

Emily took in some deep breaths and let them out and her chest finally started to ease a little. She looked over at Reid and gave him a slight smile even if it was a sad smile. Hotch sat down behind Emily and pulled her out of Morgan's arms and back onto his lap and into his arms. He rocked her as her tears finally settled down. Once she was done crying he stood up with her in his arms. Morgan and Dave stood behind him to make sure that he didn't fall as he was standing up. JJ, Garcia, and Reid walked next to Hotch close enough that they could touch Emily to let her know that she was not alone while Dave and Morgan walked behind them making sure that Hotch and Emily were both alright.

Hotch placed Emily in Dave's SUV and climbed in beside her while Dave got in the driver's seat. Morgan, Reid, JJ, and Garcia all went to the cars they arrived in. Emily was shivering so Dave turned the heat on and Hotch pulled Emily into his side once again and Emily put her head on his shoulder as she started to cry. When Dave pulled into the parking garage and parked in his spot and shut the car off Hotch got out of the backseat and then gently pulled Emily out. Instead of letting Emily walk Hotch picked her up and carried her inside bridal style.

"JJ, get in Emily's ready bag and get her a change of clothes. Garcia go round up some towels. Reid find whatever you need to check her vitals. Morgan and Dave you two are with me." Hotch said as everyone got into the elevator.

Emily continued to cry into Hotch's shoulder as he rubbed her back and murmured in her ear and Emily kept repeating "No he can't be gone! He wouldn't leave me in this world alone."

Each time she said that the team's hearts broke a little. They hated seeing Emily look so lost, broken and defeated. They all vowed to themselves that they would watch over her and help her through this. The elevator door opened up and JJ, Garcia, and Reid all rushed off to do as they were told while Morgan held open the elevator doors and Dave went and opened up the glass door that led into the BAU bullpen.

As soon as Hotch walked in carrying Emily everyone's eyes widened in shock. Elizabeth Prentiss saw Hotch walk in and she ran over and gasped when she saw the state that Emily was in.

"Oh my God is she alright Aaron?" Elizabeth asked.

Hotch nodded and said "She is in denial but I think that it's finally catching up to her. She needs to get showered and into some new clothes. She walked in the rain and is soaked through."

Elizabeth smoothed the hair out of Emily's face and said "I'll help her shower if you can take her to wherever it is that you want her to shower at. Thank you so much Aaron."

Hotch gave Elizabeth a slight smile and shook his head. "There is no reason to thank me Ambassador. I would do anything for your daughter."

Emily had finally stopped crying but now she was shivering and couldn't stop. She knew that Aaron was telling the truth. She was in denial about Matt killing himself. She knew that in her heart he was gone but she didn't want to believe it.


	4. Anger

Author's Note: I'm so so sorry that I haven't updated in a while I went on vacation and since I've been back I have been doing lots of laundry not to mention I just started back at work. I would also like to say that it is my fault that Who Am I on Angel N Darkness's profile not being updated is my fault. I gave her the wrong chapter so she couldn't edit it and add more into it because of that. This chapter will not have much dialogue in it but I think that this chapter needed to be done.

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds much to my disappointment.

Anger

After Emily Prentiss showered she walked back towards the bullpen. She has finally quit denying to herself that Matthew had killed himself. She looked over at her mom who was walking beside her.

"Mom I promise you I'm fine. I'm not going to break down crying again." Emily said exasperated.

Elizabeth Prentiss just looked at her daughter. "I know you're not Emily but I also know that look in your eyes. You may be past denial but you have moved on to anger and I know how bad your temper can get."

Emily let out a loud sigh and stomped the rest of the way to the bullpen. Even though she knew her mom was right she didn't want to admit it. She had anger running through her and she wasn't sure what to do. She decided that she would go down to the gym in the training facility. She needed to get this anger under control.

Emily walked up to Hotch's office and knocked on the door. "I'll be at the gym if you need me Hotch. I need to hit something."

Hotch looked up at Emily who was standing in the doorway of his office and nodded. He watched as she walked away and he could tell that she was going to need someone in the gym with her that she trust. He decided he would make it a team affair so he stood up and walked over to Dave's office.

"Dave come on we're heading to the gym. Prentiss is done crying but I think she has moved into the anger phase of the grieving process. We need to be there if she needs us." Hotch said after walking into Dave's office.

Dave nodded and stood up. He took everything out of his pants pockets and put it in his desk. He also left his jacket in his office. Dave followed Hotch out but went ahead of him as Hotch stopped by to get Morgan and Reid. Rossi quickly walked down the hall to JJ's office and got her and had her call Garcia. If they were doing this then all of them would be there. Rossi, JJ, and Garcia all met up at the elevators and then got on one. Soon they were on the floor they needed and heading towards the gym.

Emily was punching the punching bag. She needed to get this anger out of her. She couldn't keep it bottled up inside her and she knew it. Every time she hit the punching bag she imagined that it was Matt she was hitting. This just made her even angrier. She never broke stride in punching the bag when she heard and saw her team mates walking into the gym.

"DAMN YOU MATTHEW! DAMN YOU TO HELL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!" Emily yelled as she punched the bag again.

Hotch looked at Dave, Morgan, Reid, JJ and Garcia with a worried look on his face. He knew that Emily had to work through this stage but he was a little bit afraid that she would hurt herself in the process of it. Hotch saw other Agent's looking at Prentiss in surprise and decided that he needed to get them out of there before they saw her loose her composure so he walked over to the group and said something to them and they nodded and all left. Now only his team was left in the gym to witness Emily's second meltdown of the day.

Emily decided that punching on the punching bag wasn't helping her so she looked for something else to do. As she was looking the anger just took over her and she started lashing out. Emily picked up the weights that were close to her and started throwing them. She didn't care if she had to replace them. She needed to do this to get the anger out of her system.

Hotch took a step forward when he saw Emily begin to throw things but JJ stopped him with a whisper saying "Hotch let her go. We're here for her so we will make sure that she doesn't hurt herself but let her get the anger out. If she doesn't it is just going to keep growing until she can't control it."

Hotch stopped and just watched as the woman he was in love with let everything out.

"I HATE YOU MATTHEW! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE MADE ME BECOME! WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK ABOUT ME OR ANYONE ELSE WHO KNEW AND LOVED YOU? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL YOURSELF? YOU FUCKING COWARD! YOU TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT AND LEFT ME TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FALLOUT!" Emily screamed as she punched a wall.

Emily started punching and kicking the wall. She didn't care if she ended up hurt. All she cared about was the fact that this was at least helping her anger. She kept yelling and screaming with each kick and punch. The team watched her and when they saw that she was starting to tire out they walked towards her. Emily slumped against the wall as the anger finally drained out of her.

Hotch was the first one to her quickly followed by everyone else. He knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his and looked at her with concern. He frowned when she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Emily look at me please." Hotch said.

Emily finally lifted her eyes to his and whispered "I'm sorry you had to see that. You of all people should never have to see me like this."

Hotch frowned and said "Emily you have nothing to be sorry about. I don't understand what you mean by me of all people."

Emily just stared at him before whispering "I don't want you thinking badly of me. Usually I can handle things but this was just the last straw."

Hotch sat down on the right side of Emily and put his arm around her shoulder. "Emily I could never and would never think badly of you. You have just been dealt a really bad blow. We all react differently to different situations. Just know that if you ever need to talk that I'm here for you. All of us are here for you."

Dave sat down followed by JJ, Garcia, Reid and then Morgan. Everyone sat down in front of or beside Emily and just let their hands touch her just so that she knew she wasn't alone. All of them were having the same thought running through their head. They would do whatever it took to make sure that Emily made it through this without losing her mind or herself.


End file.
